<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>All things great and smoke by UlsPi</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30078540">All things great and smoke</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlsPi/pseuds/UlsPi'>UlsPi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Implied Sexual Content, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Veterinary Medicine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:49:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,007</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30078540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlsPi/pseuds/UlsPi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Geralt is a vet and a single dad. Jaskier is a rich guy who rescues animals and writes earworms.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon &amp; Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>195</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All things great and smoke</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>CW: non graphic calving, mentions of farm animal abuse.</p><p>The title is a quote from "Good Omens", the calving is retold from James Herriot's book "All things great and small", I own nothing, Jon Snow.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Fuck," Geralt says and reaches farther into the cow. The farmer, who's just standing by fondling his shirt, sighs. Geralt hasn't been a vet for long, but he's met his fair share of people who told him not to curse in front of the children, that is, calves, even if said calves show remarkable sense of purpose when it comes to actually being born. Geralt muses - his arm deep inside the poor cow - that since most cows are artificially inseminated they </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>be treated as blushing virgins, even when Geralt's arm is inside them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's no good musing right now, the calf's head is back, and the cow has been in labour for a good (good? it's no good! it's terrible) while and it's frankly a miracle that the calf is still alive after so much time since the waters came. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt is sprawled on the ground, face too close to the cow's rear, his knees hurting and his arm numb from the cow's contractions. His well stuffed apron is hanging on the fence of the enclosure, and it's no help at this point - oxytocin injected and a sugar drink consumed. By the cow. Geralt could use one too right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Let nature do its job, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Vesemir's voice says in Geralt's head and Geralt grunts. The first time Vesemir said it, Geralt was a child who had just brought a chick into the house. The poor bugger had fallen from the nest, and Vesemir told Geralt that the siblings had pushed it down. The chick died despite Geralt's best efforts. Geralt vowed that day that he would never let nature do its job or run its course or whatever. He wasn't going to let nature interfere, but as things stand, the calf's head is back and the cow is exhausted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt grabs the jaw and manages to tie a noose around it. The farmer is too young and anxious to be able to assist so Geralt pulls carefully at the rope while pushing the calf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The calf nips at Geralt's fingers. Alive and fighting. Geralt loves it. Geralt hopes there's no twin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally - </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally </span>
  </em>
  <span>- the calf emerges and begins to cough. What a fighter! Geralt expected he'd need to resuscitate it. It's a girl, he sees. Ciri would be so glad, he thinks, pushing the calf over to the cow's head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's the first calving for this cow so she's quite dubious about the whole affair, sniffing and huffing, before the instinct kicks in and she starts licking the calf dry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt stands up proud. He's done it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Geralt has come to this small town in Yorkshire thinking that it's going to be peaceful and lovely. Some difficult calvings here and there, but… Oh but he wasn't prepared for the sheer scope of it. He's a certified vet, he's certified to work with every land mammal, and this town has a need for a vet to vaccinate the pets and the farms around it need a vet to vaccinate their herds and they need Geralt to wake up at night and tend to emergencies and they need a vet to check up on the cattle and oversee inseminations and - and - and… For such a small place, it's an insane amount of work. Geralt isn't complaining, but there are days he doesn't know how he does it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt used to work with his older brother Eskel, who's a sensitive soul and thinks that the goats are the pinnacle of creation, but Geralt has never been the one in charge, and now he fucking is! Unlike Eskel, he has a teenage daughter, dropped on him by a classmate of his who had been doing just fine while Geralt studied, then got pregnant, then died… Pavetta's mother is a strict woman who doesn't see any need for softer things in life, so Geralt ended up with Ciri, according to Pavetta's will. He'd just been out of school, assisting his brother and slowly taking over at least half of his clinic and then oops, he had a daughter. His theory is that Pavetta just wanted to spite her mother - and she managed it just beautifully! Calanthe is spited alright and each time she comes for a visit, she dedicates much time to convincing Ciri she has to move to Calanthe's place - a proper half-castle with help and everything. Ciri is a wise child, she knows she can never be left to her own devices at Calanthe's, although Calanthe's husband Eist is an adventurous man. Yet, with Geralt Ciri can stay up all night and have herself alone to blame. Geralt decided early on to let Ciri make her mistakes, unless there was a danger involved… Geralt would be the first to admit that he's a shitty parent, but Ciri looks well, has friends and is very independent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That's why she greets Geralt with a cup of tea that smells of whiskey when Geralt gets home in the middle of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shouldn't you be asleep?" Geralt grunts perfunctorily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How was it?" Ciri dodges the question in favour of getting some gory details out of her father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt sighs and rubs his face. He could pretend to be a proper parent, but he loves his job and he loves his daughter and he's just taken care of a difficult calving, so why not indulge himself and more importantly, Ciri. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Head back," he starts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eskel calls in the morning and they spend an hour talking about their practices. Having a stable one is new for Geralt; he and Ciri used to spend barely a year at each place, which both enjoyed, but then Calanthe threatened to do everything in her considerable power as a media mogul to get her granddaughter back with her, so Geralt settled. He even sent Ciri to school, although he liked homeschooling her and Ciri preferred to be homeschooled. They ended up agreeing that if they wanted to stay together they needed to get more conventional. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ciri loves her grandmother, but she largely prefers her in small doses. Calanthe is tough and uncompromising in every aspect of her life. She's admired and feared and Ciri, just like her mother, isn't keen on witnessing it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ciri leaves for school and Geralt drives to the farm to check on the cow. The recovery is going well, but the farmer has his doubts about the milk yield. This is what Geralt absolutely hates about his job. For every ten good farmers he's met there's one bastard who'd demand and demand and demand. Geralt doesn't yet know the people around well enough to judge, but he's judging right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The farmer is inexperienced, that much is clear, and he wants to prove himself, fine, however the cow's well-being comes to his mind only if there's a nice number attached to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt advises time and patience, the farmer shakes his head. Geralt wants to smack him on that head using a cow. Geralt can lift a cow. He works out and is ripped, mostly because otherwise he'd punch quite a lot of people - a sentiment that Eskel relates to but doesn't approve of. Vesemir just sighs when Geralt, usually a man of few words, rants about another person who looked at him disapprovingly, which many people do, since Geralt is young but white-haired, is too shortsighted and appears either eternally wise or high as a result, is a single father who loves homeschooling and partakes in the torture of farm animals, as one person told him once. As it happened, the person had brought in his dog for castration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Life gets messy quite often for Geralt's liking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He drives around the area for a few more check-ups, and it's during the last one when a farmer, an old woman with witty smiles and kind heart, sighs over an old cow of hers and says she'll send her to Mr Jaskier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who's Mr Jaskier?" Geralt asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, he's a lovely fellow. Has a farm not far from mine. Houses rescues. Abused animals, old animals, you name it. We here have been sending our cattle over to him lately. A good retirement plan. Strange he hasn't contacted you yet… Although he's a rich fellow, maybe he has his own vet." At this the lady wiggles her eyebrows naughtily and Geralt remembers he hasn't has sex in a while, which is an unwelcome thought by all means.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His visits done, Geralt returns to his clinic and takes care of various pets. Ciri returns from school and watches a culinary channel for dinner inspiration. Apparently no inspiration strikes and Ciri is just a teenager after all, so she bails out to spend the evening at her friend Dara's and suggests that Geralt should go to a pub. Calanthe's voice in Geralt's head gloats and says that this is what Geralt deserves for being too indulgent. Geralt doesn't get it, Ciri is fine and has friends, which is more than can be said of Geralt who has his foster father and his foster brothers and a daughter. He used to have Pavetta and then there was a disastrous romance in his college years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pub it is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt picks a table in the corner, orders - something and a beer. A quiet adult evening. Ciri texts him that she's staying for a sleepover. Dara's mother texts Geralt to assure him that she'll castrate Dara herself if anything happens. Dara is asexual and Ciri prefers talking about difficult calvings, so while Geralt appreciates the sentiment, he doesn't have much to worry about - apart from the fact that Dara came out to him and Ciri but not to his parents, but then again, what does Geralt know? How own mother left him by the side of the road and fucked off into the sunset. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I need a vet," a cheery voice announces and the next thing Geralt knows there's a young man with brown hair and </span>
  <b>
    <em>BLUE</em>
  </b>
  <span> eyes flopping on a chair in front of him. No amount of formatting can do justice to those eyes, they are just impossibly blue and so happy and flirtatious and there's a smile that says </span>
  <em>
    <span>I am the view</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and frankly, Geralt hasn't had sex for a long time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt grunts without much meaning behind it, but the man shakes that pretty head on this pretty shoulders, and fuck he's so pretty… "I know, I know, you're not on duty right now, unless you consider beer drinking a part of caretaking, which it should be… Nevermind. My horse seems off. Maybe she's under the weather. I don't know. I'm no vet. I'm Jaskier!" Jaskier offers his hand to Geralt for a shag… shake. The hand is - clever. Long fingers, twitching slightly… Horses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt grunts again. He doesn't do well under pressure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know you have a daughter. The folks here told me. She can totally come along!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt isn't stupid, nor is he used to being understood on the basis of his grunts. So he grunts again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And you're welcome to stay the night! I have a big house. Far too big, if you ask me, but that's a story for another time. How about I pay for your dinner and drive you back to mine?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt hasn't had sex for a long time. Who knew he needed it so much? Certainly not Geralt. Who knew he had a thing for… oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaskier stands up and walks over to pay for Geralt's food and drink. His shoulders are broad and his waist is slim and his hips sway. His hair looks soft. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The horse is in a sorry state, although Geralt is almost certain that it's due to bad care. Jaskier has told Geralt everything on the road, but Geralt has had to tune it out - Jaskier speaks so fast and so much that Geralt suddenly feels in the middle of a massive meltdown. Probably his own. Geralt has understood that it's one of Jaskier's rescues, and he has done so because of the earlier conversation with the old farm lady whose name may or may not be Marge. Geralt consoles himself with the thought that he knows all the animals he treats by name and number. Some by diagnosis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She doesn't have a name, poor thing," Jaskier says cooingly. He's petting the horse and it shouldn't be arousing. It is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She'll be fine," Geralt concludes. "I'll come back in the morning to check up on her but she's got a…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Horse dose of vitamins," Jaskier giggles. His hair is messy, because the horse chewed on it a bit (Does it count as French kissing? Or bestiality?) and his jeans are too tight. "Why don't you stay? I drove you here and I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>exhausted</span>
  </em>
  <span>." Jaskier leaves the horse and tugs Geralt outside of the stables. "Why don't you stay the night, Geralt?" Jaskier repeats. No casual sex offer should sound so soft. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt stays the night. Jaskier is properly exhausted in the morning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Off already?" Jaskier calls sleepily from the huge bed that's all rumpled and warm and has Jaskier, but Geralt has to get back. "Take my car. Well, one of them. Whichever you like." He's hugging a pillow and smiling at Geralt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Roach," Geralt says after a pause. "For the horse."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok," Jaskier nods. "Can I see you again? Regardless of Roach and her well-being?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Geralt isn't sure how to navigate through a relationship, but he does know when he has to check up on an animal. If he comes to Jaskier's farm earlier than he would have, then Jaskier doesn't need to know, or does he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The horse is doing well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ciri rides Roach and Jaskier laughs. It's terrible and terrific. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She should be yours," Jaskier tells Geralt. "No need to fret, dear heart, I can afford to house her, but she's yours. And Ciri's of course."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two months later Geralt realises he doesn't know what Jaskier does for a living. He might have said something about it but again, Jaskier talks a lot and he's cute and sunny, so Geralt loves watching him talk which doesn't mean he always listens to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It gets awkward though, and it falls to Ciri to clarify it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He writes music, and it's good, but he earns most of his income by writing jingles for various ads. His tunes tend to get stuck in one's head." Ciri scratches her head and Geralt rushes to check her hair for ticks. There are none. She shows Geralt some videos of Jaskier singing lovely ballads that make Geralt all soft and yearning. Each and every song seems to be calling out to Geralt, to tell him to drop it all and drive over to Jaskier and hold him forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead he treats all the cows and donkeys and pigs and cats and dogs and a few more horses that retired to Jaskier's farm. There are goats too, so it's a good pretext to introduce Jaskier to Eskel under the pretext of goats' health. Geralt has a feeling that Jaskier sees through it but he doesn't make a comment. He just kisses Geralt's cheek and calls him </span>
  <em>
    <span>dear heart</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Back in the days of Geralt's affair with Yennefer, when he had sex everywhere, his pillow talk was mostly about proclamations of love that had never been there in the first place, as he came to see eventually. Yennefer was bright and clever and treated most things with disdain, but she was important to him…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now his pillow talk is grunts as he rests his head on Jaskier's shoulder and listens to Jaskier talk about his friend Essy who's a vet too and comes from a poor family, so Jaskier set up this farm as a means to do something good and provide his friend with practice and a job. Essy is traveling now, she's earned it, Jaskier says. He kisses the top of Geralt's head and says that he's grateful for her wanderlust because otherwise he wouldn't have met Geralt… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt doesn't know how to answer that so he complains about arrogant farmers who send away perfectly good young cows and who insist on inseminating far too young heifers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jaskier gets it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaskier doesn't speak about his family, so Geralt doesn't ask, but he tells Jaskier about his mother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you want us to track her down and have a strongly-worded conversation with her? Do you think Calanthe could get her killed?" Jaskier does get bloodthirsty sometimes. Geralt realises that he's not angry with her anymore, he doesn't care. He has Jaskier now. Fuck, he has Jaskier now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe one day he'll do something about it. For now, he'll just fall asleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In Jaskier's house, Ciri has a set of rooms. She has a bedroom, a library, a whole room dedicated to computer games and a boudoir. Geralt doesn't know what it implies, but he's learned quickly that when Ciri is in her </span>
  <em>
    <span>boudoir</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she's not to be disturbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But what if she does some dark magic there?" Geralt asks. "What if she's harming herself?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok, darling, there's nothing wrong about a bit of dark magic in the life of a teenage girl. Truly. And she can't harm herself in her boudoir because it's all soft and comforting." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sounds solid, Geralt doesn't think about it again. He comes to a conclusion that indeed some dark magic could do Ciri a world of good. It's certainly better than starting a fight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Calanthe doesn't like Jaskier for about thirty seconds, and then she adores him. Jaskier has that way with people. He's annoying and loud and talks too much and if Geralt doesn't see him by the end of the day, then the world is dark and hopeless right until the moment Geralt can hold him again and kiss him until they both need to breathe, though Geralt would be ok with being breathless just to keep Jaskier there, close and warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"There's enough place for everyone, darling. Move in with me, love."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geralt swallows. Love. This is love. He grunts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, thank you, darling, I'm so glad."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for being here. Kudos and comments are love.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>